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Jog Itch, Step Sisters and More V. Important RLAM Terms

I asked all the RLAM'ers I know for their best words, and spent one night typing them up.

Fess up: half the fun of running is talking about it—or, in our case, typing about it—post-run. But often you get into that je-ne-sais-quoi situation where you just can’t find the right word; after all, the SAT’s were a long, long time ago. So here are some term—-some ridiculous, some R-rated, all good and all generated by the funny, smart Run Like A Mother tribe—that might help you describe what happened on your run, in your bra, on the pot, with your shorts, or in any other unlikely predicament. (Feel free to add more in the comments below, and I’ll fold them into our prestigious lexicon. Also, sports bra terms will be added shortly.)

Barnacle buster
: any thing/person/activity used to distract, deter, and detach one’s children from their legs thus freeing a mother for a run.

Barely better than nothing (BBTN): description of just got-out-there run.

Buble effect: when a song sneaks its way into your iPod and puts you to sleep/mellows out your run as fast as a Michael Buble song.

temporary acceleration produced when you see a runner—usually a cute, younger, faster man—you want to impress (while you’re in their line of sight).

Chunk change: the extra poundage you carry around in your own personal trunk.

Character builders: hill workouts, any speed work over 400 meters, or runs in extreme heat/cold.

Church: virtual place/ real route many RLAM’ers go on Sunday morning, the only time they can fit in a long run.  Synonym: Morning prayers.

Coin slot: body part that shows when low-cut running shorts are too overloaded with Gu, keys, music player.

Creepers: shorts don’t stay in place.

Crop dusting: passing gas on the run.

Crotch rot: dripping wet running tights.

Cycling Cassanova: guys biking on the trails with waaaaaay too much cologne on. (Or who are waaaaay to into themselves and their overlogo’ed jerseys.)

Dehydration station:
water stop

Diarrhea-thon: marathon remembered more for the stops in the lou than the miles on the road.

Dip dye: phenomenon that occurs when your sweat soaked shirt starts to visibly dampen your shorts/tights/skirt from the waist, slowly working it’s way down. (It’s VERY attractive.)

Dory run: tough run, where just getting through it is a victory. Stems from moving Finding Nemo, where Dory says, “Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.”

Dreadmill: affectionate term for the treadmill.

Dropping the kids off at the pool: pre-run evac in the bathroom.

Double flush: Sign of an effective run.

young passengers in single, double, or—you’re our hero—triple running stroller. Synonym: portable cheering section.

Fancy pants
: capris or tights with reflective stripes. (Or any favorite bottoms you reserve for race-day.)

FIRM: term for Friends in Running + Motherhood. (See also: RLAM’er.)

Full moon rising: condition when shorts or skirt head south during a run.

Go Fasters: running shoes.

Googly eyes: The look when the nipples on boobs, which are a little past their prime, aren’t “looking” forward anymore.

Gu-doo: product of intestinal distress brought about by consuming Gu. Or the act of depositing the product of intestinal distress in PortaPotties.

Heel damage: calluses that never clear up.

HFH (abbreviation for Holy Frackin’ Hill): How runners/ tweeters, especially in Western PA, describe their runs. (Example: I did 5#HFHs on lunchtime run. #legsaretoast)

Hungry butt: when underwear rides up your crack while running. (Unsolicited advice: don’t wear ’em. That’s what liners are for.)

Hungry thighs: condition when your shorts bulge up between your legs.

Involuntary speedwork: increased pace brought on by husband who is pacing in the driveway, needing to leave for work.

Jet propelled: description for a gaseous run. (Unfortunately, does not typically make the runner faster.)

Jog itch: condition that occurs after having a good run; all of a sudden, you can’t wait for your next. Also, the feeling you get when you’re injured and can’t run. Or you’re housebound with 3 kids under 7 and can’t run. Or you’re stuck in a meeting and can’t run. Or…

Junk holders: liners on men’s running shorts.

Land mines: Dog poop or horse manure left in the middle of a trail.

LPPM: Last Possible Pee Moment. Occurs right before you head out the door.

Mountain Dew: sweat between the boobs.

Natural energy production:
watts produced by thighs rubbing together.

Noassatall: condition the rears of runners get from too many miles. Antonym: A J-Lo.

Nursing mom:  style achieved by a very wet sports bra and a dry shirt—and having the two meet. Two big, very pronounced circles, like your baby hasn’t eaten in days.

Orchestral maneuvers in the dark (OMD): A run before sunrise or after sunset.

Prairie dogging: An urgent need to poop on a run; the matter almost escapes and then not, the way a prairie dog goes in and out of his house. Synonyms: turtlehead.

Predator: another runner that sneaks up on you and passes you. (When it’s an intentional overtake, it’s a kill, road kill, or sometimes a drive-by.)

Priming the pistons: applying BodyGlide to the inner thighs, the area most prone to chafe.

Puke pace: self-explanatory. The goal during most speed workouts.

Rart: running fart. (“I did one of those today,” admits Karen, “Sorry man with dogs and unattractive camo shirt.”)

Releasing the Cracken: delodging a wedgie, either front or back, while running.

River Nile: sweat running between the girls on hot, humid days of summer.

RLAM’er: A mother runner.

RLAMF: one who is married, engaged or otherwise committed to a RLAM’er.

Rulking: more running than walking.

Rumace: running andgrimacing. Often up a hill.

Run for the roses: marathon in which athlete attempts to qualify for Boston.

killer stretches, generally uphill, that have no trees for shade.

Slaying the dragon: getting out that all-important #2, pre-race, with just minutes before the gun goes off. Often occasion for a little celebration.

Slime yourself: condition that occurs when your own snot rocket lands on you.

Sloggun: slippery, soggy runs on the snow-covered, icy, melting trails or streets.

Snot rockets: blowing your nose, sans Kleenex. Synonym: Air hanky.

Snot snipered: unfortunate situation when you pass another runner right as they are are blowing a snot rocket.

Spurts: exertion-induced, unsolicited pee leaks.

Step sister: A best running buddy.

Swamp ass: Too much sweat between the crack.

Swass: Sweaty Ass.

“Talking to the cornstalks”:
answering nature’s call on a rural run. See also: Tying your shoe.

Therapy session: going for a run.

“Tying Your Shoe”: ducking off for a potty break on a group run.

More walking than running.

Wogging: A cross between walking and jogging.

XXX Training: Post-run action in the sack; often brought on by a stronger libido because of running. Synonym: crosstraining.

Zen Runner: runner who won’t wave, smile, nod, look or in any way acknowledge your presence as you pass by. (We generally give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they’re in “the zone” otherwise we’d call them something else.)

18 Comments leave one →
  1. JimG permalink
    August 13, 2010 3:52 pm

    Didn’t see “Crisco Track Club” e.g. Fat in the Can.

  2. Tania permalink
    August 13, 2010 4:03 pm

    I am laughing my J-Lo OFF!! 😀

  3. Atha permalink
    August 13, 2010 4:56 pm

    Hilarious! My two faves are Caffiene & Involuntary Speedwork! So true!

  4. Sherri Kimber permalink
    August 13, 2010 6:21 pm

    love the sloggun and river niles…too funny, will continue to share!

  5. August 13, 2010 6:50 pm

    ohhhh, I love jog itch!

  6. Rachel Ridgway permalink
    August 13, 2010 7:30 pm

    I’ve been trying to come up with a term for the permenant scar I have under/between my boobs from my sports bra — maybe Sagline?

    Also, another term for Prairie Dogging/Turtleheads that we use often: “I’m Touching Cotton” (kind of self-explanatory, and it’s a no-questions-asked reason for suddenly running into the woods), which brings me to another term that come’s in handy:

    “One-glover/Two-glover” (referring to how many gloves you may have left in the woods as improvised TP)

  7. Alison H. permalink
    August 14, 2010 2:33 pm

    Hilarious!!!! I loved Jet-Propelled, and of course, my Sunday Church.

  8. September 7, 2010 11:36 pm

    The Money Pit – aka local running store. 🙂

  9. September 8, 2010 10:09 am

    Love these!

    Here is one more: Nipple Nuks – What happens when a sweaty, post run chill meets a pad-less sports bra. Display the nuks on the rack at babies r us, not on RLAM’ers

  10. Lisa F permalink
    October 3, 2010 3:49 pm

    hilarious – about to have a LPPM and I’m out the door. Thanks for the humor and inspiration!

  11. RamFM permalink
    October 18, 2010 9:34 pm

    This is hilarious. Sitting here w/my teen daughter cracking up (because NONE of these things have EVER happened!). Didn’t know about the GU Doo – nice to know up front. Favorite term? Coin Slot! 🙂

  12. Danielle permalink
    January 18, 2011 8:00 pm

    Absolutely hilarious!!! Can totally relate to Involuntary Speedwork. Didn’t know about GU Doo until after this last marathon. Garmin captured me MIA for 8+ minutes on mile 20. Terrible, terrible belly pains but felt better for the final 6.2 miles.

  13. January 24, 2011 10:56 pm

    I was homesick, emailing my running partner/BFF back in Austin, when I ran across this list. And now I am laughing my ass off. This is good stuff. I can’t even decide on a favorite. Even the comments are making me laugh out loud. I love you mother runners.

  14. Jennifer A. permalink
    February 2, 2011 10:51 am

    Stigmata ot the Boobie: any of the various places chafed (to the point of bleeding) by the sports bra.

  15. missusdunlap permalink
    February 2, 2011 7:48 pm

    Prairie Dogging/ touching cotton/turtlehead – add my own favorite: I’ve got one crowning.

  16. April 20, 2011 5:30 pm

    I started laughing hysterically around letter “H”. “Entourage” may be my favorite and soon-to-be-most-used term.

  17. April 28, 2011 2:07 pm

    Wow, I am CRYING I’m laughing so hard! Anyone have a good term for when you sweat down between the pistons and it looks like you’ve peed on yourself? That’s my personal favorite!


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